Thursday, April 23, 2009

On Why I Hate Birds


We have a problem that wakes us up at 5:00 am every morning. It's a bird, I think a crow, I'm not entirely sure what type of mongerel it is. It squaks at such a high decibel for a good 3 minutes EVERY morning at 5:00 am. This awful creature wakes us up with it's singing howling and I've recently remembered that I despise birds. In seventh grade we were forced to watch The Birds in English class (on a sidenote, why did we watch so many movies in English class, weren't we supposed to be reading?) I think this movie is scary, people! Crow's pecking my eyes out, no thank you.

I really dislike flying rats, also known as seagulls, too. The seagulls in Florida are vicious, let me tell you! If you bring food to the beach those rats will stalk you and then they'll call over 20 friends to help and suddenly you have like 50 seagulls surrounding your pleasant picnic at the beach. And they're all, "give me your food, beach-goer's." I've learned that if you want to eat a sandwich at the beach in Florida you have to protect your food at all costs. How did I learn this, you ask? Well a wonderful afternoon in St. Petersburg enjoying lunch on the beach with my family my sandwich was slightly in the air as I was telling a story when the flying rat swooped down and stole the entire sandwich out of my hands. You can imagine my anger and the choice words that came out of my mouth. (In all honesty the choice words were, "JERK!" I'm not as cool as I think I am.) So obviously, from that moment on, I hate Florida seagulls. They're not quite as stalkerific on the California beaches, thank God.


Anyway, back to my original rant, this morning in my 5:00 am stupor I said, I think we need to shoot it. I think I may have given my darling husband an idea. So, to my neighbors, I would not be surprised if tomorrow morning my husband is sneaking outside at 5:00 am in his underwears with an air-soft BBgun to shut up this loud creature that is disrupting our slumber. Please don't be alarmed, we just really like our sleep.

6 comments:

  1. Maybe you could get your old upstairs neighbor to come over and stomp on it. He was REALLY good at stomping early in the morning.

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  2. This sounds exactly like the movie Sarah Jessica Parkers roomate in Failure to launch... If you have ever seen that!

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  3. did he shoot the bird with bbs this a.m.?

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  4. In NY it's pigeons. I hate them with a passion. The sound of their wings flapping literally makes my skin crawl.

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  5. That's so funny that we both wrote about that!! I'm glad someone understands :)

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